Directed by: John Lasseter, Brad Lewis
Starring: Owen Wilson, Larry the Cable Guy, Michael Caine
Unlike Cars, which was a disappointingly pedestrian effort by Pixar, Cars 2 feels almost like a damn insult to the viewers. A film obviously fueled by toy rights and which showcases Larry the Fucking Cable Guy front and center, the only things to enjoy about this movie are the water textures, which are quite good.
An international race turns out to be a cover for a supervillainous plot to discredit a new “green” fuel, which explodes when exposed to x-rays or something. Two secret agents are out to uncover the plot and stop the mastermind, but they need one important piece of the puzzle: an idiot redneck hick who is terrible at everything and who’s words make you want to stab your brain with knitting needles until your speech recognition center is fully destroyed. Also, everybody is cars.
Cars 2 is so much worse than the first one, not because they took out elements which were interesting (of which there were none), but because they fully embraced the Lucasian concept of drowning in merchandising money which they tasted with Cars. I can’t articulate how clear it was this whole movie that they just wanted everything to be toys and on McDonald’s cups and didn’t give a single fuck about whether the story they were telling was interesting and creative and whimsical like every other movie Pixar had ever made. And you know what? It worked just fine. There is absolutely no reason, financially, for them to not make another and another movie like this, because people will keep calling it a fluke and forgiving them for it.