Transformers: Dark of the Moon (2011)

Transformers: Dark of the Moon (2011)

Directed by: Michael Bay

Starring: Shia LaBeouf, Rosie Huntington-Whiteley, Tyrese Gibson

If you’re like me, you’re probably wondering, “why the fuck would anybody watch Transformers 3?” I wish I had answers for you fine folks, I really do. Instead all I have is a headache and a burning regret I will never be able to get rid of.

So it turns out that Apollo 11 had a secret mission: to retrieve parts of an alien spaceship that crashed on the moon. The giant robot trucks who live on Earth in the present day are really angry that nobody told them about this before, and they go rescue an evil Leonard Nimoy robot from the wreckage, who nearly enslaves everybody on the planet to rebuild the robot trucks’ homeworld. Luckily for us, everything explodes everywhere, forever.

If you don’t know what to expect by the third Transformers movie, then I really have no idea what to tell you. Things explode, big robots move around in complicated ways your eye just slides off of, there’s huge loads of car porn everywhere… I guess Megan Fox was too good for this movie (which is hilarious), so they have some other woman who literally looks like a blow-up doll as the female lead. She spends half the movie staring blankly upwards or being thrown around by a bad guy… but she still puts in a better performance than Shia LaBeouf.

Oh yeah, and Buzz Aldrin has a cameo in this movie. Talk about depressing.

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