Blubberella (2011)

Blubberella (2011)

Directed by: Uwe Boll

Starring: Lindsay Hollister, Brendan Fletcher, Michael Paré

Everybody knows that Uwe Boll makes terrible movies when he tries to be serious about them, but what’s lesser known is that the movies are FAR WORSE when he tries to be funny. I don’t know what crippling childhood terror could cause someone to laugh at any “joke” in this film, but apparently Uwe has them all.

A half-vampire is attempting to help the Jewish underground stop the Nazis from turning Hitler into an immortal super-vampire… and she’s FAT! AHAHAHAHAHAAA!! She eats a lot and is not sexually attractive because of her weight!!! OH MY GOD IT’S HILARIOUS! There’s also a gay guy, and Clint Howard sings snippets from rap songs! TOO MUCH!! I CAN’T TAKE IT ANY MORE!! Uwe Boll is literally Hitler. Also he plays him in the movie.

So apparently the deal with Blubberella is that it’s a direct parody of Bloodrayne 3, which Uwe was making at the same time, with the same sets and props and most of the same actors. This is, by and far, the most original and creative thing that Uwe Boll has ever come up with. I’m totally serious, that is a legitimately interesting idea. The half-second of respect I had for Uwe was destroyed when I looked back up at the movie and a fat lady farted a Nazi to death, but still, I have to say that it did happen.


About Reid

Born in a dumpster, died in a fire. View all posts by Reid

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