Apollo 18 (2011)

Apollo 18 (2011)

Directed by: Gonzalo López-Gallego

Starring: Warren Christie, Lloyd Owen, Ryan Robbins

This movie actually made me pretty angry. I’m not one of those idiots who believes in NASA conspiracy theories like how we never landed on the moon or whatever, and I actually really love the history of space travel, especially during the time of the Apollo program… And this movie did such a perfect job of recreating that atmosphere and then just shit all over it with the most formulaic, stupid horror movie premise imaginable.

The last Apollo mission to land on the moon, Apollo 18, discovers some things they’re not supposed to know. For instance, it turns out the Russians also landed a man on the moon, but he was killed by the other thing they find: some moon rocks are actually big spider things that burrow under your skin and control your mind before they eat you. Seriously, that’s this movie is about.

The set design and props, and even the types of cameras they got to film the thing are all spot-on perfect (even though they do a lot of stupid camera tricks for no reason and the whole “found footage” idea really gets lost about halfway through the film). I’ve seen a lot of actual footage of the real Apollo missions, and apart from the retarded story, you could think that these were the same thing. Then there was that story… I’m gonna ramble in anger for a second here. When you’re making a horror movie and the gimmick is an exotic place, you fucking better have a monster that is entirely unique to that place. This is basic shit, man. You’re just wasting the whole premise when you make the monster a creepy spider, which could be a horror movie monster in literally any environment. As I was watching this, I was thinking about how much cheaper they could’ve made this exact same movie if it was just a bunch of soldiers out in the desert of Iraq or something, where giant burrowing spiders that eat people are way more believable. Also, it’s much easier for people to relate to, since I’ve heard stories from friends who were stationed over there about creepy crawlers. Apollo 18 didn’t even try to emphasize the aspect of being cut off from humanity or the dangers of only having a space suit between the characters and death. What a waste of beautiful set design.

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