Directed by: David Poulshock
Starring: Ariel Aver, Lajos Balogh, Adair Chappell
Have you ever noticed that I watch a lot of shit? Just really terrible movies, all the time. What’s up with that, anyway? Someone really should stop me from watching things like The Marvelous Musical Mansion, BEFORE I KILL AGAIN!
A woman takes three children to a house where everything is both alive and obnoxious. Also everything makes “music” in one way or another, and every awful song from your awful childhood is proudly displayed by child actors who look like they’re being forced against their wills to look like they don’t want to kill themselves. At night, a bunch of musical instruments are stolen in the house, so the kids have to solve the mystery (a mystery which is eventually solved by ASKING SOMEONE THAT SAW EVERYTHING).
This movie drove me to drink. I mean, I was already drinking, but that was just happy normal drinking. This movie made me want to get so drunk that I would either no longer be yelling at the TV in bitter hatred (turns out that didn’t work) or that I wouldn’t remember any of the details later on (this also didn’t work, but at least I got drunk). Basically what I’m saying is that if you make your kids watch this movie, the government should take them away from you forever.