Mother Goose Rock ‘n’ Rhyme (1990)

Mother Goose Rock ‘n’ Rhyme (1990)

Directed by: Jeff Stein

Starring: Dan Gilroy, Shelley Duvall, Little Richard

Well, this was… horrifying. A friend of mine and his wife came to visit yesterday, and in return for allowing them to stay the night, I DEMANDED that they watch Samurai Cop. Little did I know that in return, I’d end up watching a movie from her childhood which was so saccharinely 90’s that I don’t even know who got the worst end of the bargain.

Gordon Goose, son of Mother Goose, teams up with Little Bo Peep (Duvall in a frighteningly short skirt) to find his mother, who has apparently been abducted by aliens. They wander aimlessly through “Rhyme Land”, meeting celebrity cameos left and right. In the end, it turns out the kid who played Worf’s son tore Mother Goose out of her book for his amusement, and this was causing the death of all the 90’s rappers who lived in Little Richard’s kingdom. That’s a pretty weird sentence, isn’t it?

The cameos are far too extensive to go into full here, but some of the standouts were ZZ Top as the wordless “Three Men in a Tub” and the intensely annoying Howie Mandel as Humpty Dumpty. Still, there really isn’t one particular thing that stands out to me. The hair metal song with a sort of proto-Slipknot that acts as torture for the main character while tied up in Little Richard’s dungeon is pretty crazy, but not really any more so than Art Garfunkel as the bartender in a Mos Eisley Cantina-ish venue where dog men are constantly hitting on Shelley Duvall. It’s basically a straight 90 minutes of unadulterated nightmare fuel, and… I think I have to go lay down.

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About Reid

Born in a dumpster, died in a fire. View all posts by Reid

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