Star Wars XXX: A Porn Parody (2012)

Star Wars XXX: A Porn Parody (2012)

Directed by: Axel Braun

Starring: Seth Gamble, Allie Haze, Tom Byron

There are actually a couple things I gotta give to this porn parody, the foremost of which being that it has EASILY the best special effects I have ever seen in a porno. I know it’s not really a title heavily vied for, but that just makes it all the more surprising. Star Wars XXX has CGI on par with a made-for-SyFy channel movie about giant sharks, or a video game with live-action segments from 1995.

The plot is pretty much the same as the original Star Wars (except this one is subtitled “A New Hole”). There’s an evil empire out to blow up a rebellion and the means to defeating them lies in a little foul-mouthed robot (R2-D2 being a cursing dick is something that I think is completely true to the original) that comes into possession of a farmer on a desert planet. He enlists the aid of a drunk old man and a smarmy, murderous pilot, and they immediately get captured by the bad guys. The old guy dies, but they get a hot chick instead, and they blow up the Death Star. Actually, in this version, Luke fails at blowing up the Death Star, but it turns out there was a grease fire in the kitchen that spreads to the reactor and it blows up anyway.

There are some legitimately funny moments in this film. Knowing what we now know about the prequels actually puts a couple things in an entirely different light, and this movie points those out really well. Also, by and far the best part of this film is Tom Byron as Obi-Wan Kenobi, who is portrayed as an old drunk who doesn’t really care a whole lot anymore. He does the Alec Guinness voice perfectly and looks a shitload like the guy, only this time we’re introduced to him when he uses the force to hypnotize a Tusken Raider and has sex with her. And that’s… where this movie falls apart. The sex is really bad at the worst of times, and downright horrifying at others. Chewbacca has a sex scene. I think that’s all I really need to say.

About Reid

Born in a dumpster, died in a fire. View all posts by Reid

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: