Astroesque (1996)

Astroesque (1996)

Directed by: Mike Allred

Starring: Mike Allred, Matt Brundage, Amanda Erekson

This was a special bonus feature on the G-Men From Hell DVD (yes, an entire other feature-length movie was a bonus feature) because it was directed, written, and starring the same guy who wrote the comic book the other film was based off of. Apparently it’s basically a home movie that the guy did to tie in with a comic book and album that he also made, and it was never really meant for public consumption. That’ll teach me to ever look at the special features on a DVD ever again.

Basically, Astroesque is about a guy from space who comes to Earth and shoots some people in slow motion. I think he’s trying to find a… uh… Well maybe it’s just that there’s this other guy, who is… um… Nope, that’s it, just slow motion and really bad songs.

What little dialog there is seems like it was written by a high schooler, and none of it helps to  tell us who the characters are or why they do anything. It’s just a lot of setting up mood, and the mood is always “staring wistfully at things in the distance while the wind blows his hair around.” There’s no reason to ever watch this, but I guess it was made with that in mind, so… good for them.

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