EZ Money (2005)

EZ Money (2005)

Directed by: Dan T. Hall

Starring:  Micki Mohr-Harlow, Jonas Gustavson, Emma Kinghorn

Where to even begin… EZ Money encapsulates everything bad about both children’s films and really cheap movies made by one guy, his family, and his drinking buddies over a weekend. I have nothing against people making movies for their own fun, but when they go off and try to SELL this shit that basically amounts to nothing beyond fictional home movies, that’s where I draw the line. Because what the fuck, at least have some goddamn dignity. Nobody else wants to see this shit, Dan T. Hall.

Two kids indulge in a Nigerian 419 scam because they’re too stupid to know that it’s a scam. By pure coincidence, it turns out to be the complete truth, and they somehow “steal” millions of dollars from an escaping Nigerian boy who is being held captive by an evil slavic woman. Don’t… don’t try to think too hard about this. They lose the password to their bank account, which makes Natasha Badinoff (she was married to Boris, right?) come after them. Also after them are a buddy cop team of a badass who rides a motorcycle and a guy who thought he was really funny who channels commercials due to an electrical surge or something. In the end, I shoot myself in the face, and fuck this movie.

The budget for this movie was about sixty bucks, and it shows. There is nothing “professional” about this film, in any respect. I mean, they have a dog in a couple scenes who doesn’t try to eat everyone, but that’s about as far as it goes. I don’t even want to go into the pain I suffered watching this “film”. It’s just so bad. I’ve had nightmares about my mother’s head turning into snakes that I’d rather relive than watch this movie again. By all means, stay away from it, and if you ever encounter it in the wild, make sure to observe the proper safety precautions to make sure you and anybody else has no means to watch it. This mostly includes fire, but I’ll leave that up to your creative discretion.


About Reid

Born in a dumpster, died in a fire. View all posts by Reid

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