Rio (2011)

Rio (2011)

Directed by: Carlos Saldanha

Starring: Jesse Eisenberg, Anne Hathaway, George Lopez

If you see just one animated family film from 2011, make GOD DAMN SURE IT IS NOT Rio, because this shit was awful. Atrocious, even. You’d be using an hour and a half better if you did something more useful with your life, like knitting or seeing how many hot dogs you could eat in an hour and a half. Though… I guess you could do either of those activities while watching this movie. Hold on, I can think of something funnier to say. Just give me a minute.

A rare bird is raised in captivity in Canada, but is brought to Rio de Janeiro to breed with another bird. As it turns out, the Canadian bird is a total nerd, and the lady bird doesn’t want to fuck him at all. Also, there’s something about a bad guy who wants to birdnap them for some reason, and Jermaine from Flight of the Conchords is an evil bird who also doesn’t like them.

Watching movies like Kung Fu Panda 2 and even Puss in Boots made me start thinking that we might actually be growing out of this phase where all CGI animated movies are just huge groups of celebrities voicing wacky animals, but Rio really… wait, why would I think that? That’s still completely true. I was nearly fooled for a minute there, HOLLYWOOD. I BLAME YOUR CITY FOR EVERYTHING TERRIBLE.

About Reid

Born in a dumpster, died in a fire. View all posts by Reid

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