Witch Academy (1995)

Witch Academy (1995)

Directed by: Fred Olen Ray

Starring: Robert Vaughn, Suzanne Ager, Priscilla Barnes

Witch Academy. What else really needs to be said? Except that this movie isn’t about an academy for witches, nor does it really involve witches at all. There are some women who worship the devil, but they never call them witches and I’m not into labeling.

A nerdy girl gets called to a sorority of whores (oh man, great band name) so they can make fun of her. But none of them expect that she’s going to make a deal with the devil (Vaughn) to be slutty like them. Also, she doesn’t expect that her deal with the devil will also turn her into a monster that eats people, and that this is all part of his plan to marry her so he doesn’t have to rule hell for the next thousand years or something. After two thousand years, you’d think people would’ve figured out that the devil is kinda tricky.

Robert Vaughn is actually a pretty entertaining Satan. He’s the Halloween costume version of the devil, complete with little red cape, but yeah, he’s pretty fun to watch. Also, the monster that the one lady turns into isn’t the worst puppet I’ve ever seen. These positive aspects don’t even come close to making the movie watchable, of course. Please don’t think that’s the case. God, I’d just feel awful if someone watched this movie because of a nice thing I said about it…

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