Cartoon All-Stars to the Rescue (1990)

Cartoon All-Stars to the Rescue (1990)

Directed by: Milton Gray, Marsh Lamore, Robert Shellhorn

Starring: Frank Welker, George C. Scott, Jim Cummings

I was in elementary school when this video came out, and in the D.A.R.E. program, at that. I remember liking this when it came out because Michelangelo the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle was in it, and that’s really all I needed in those days. That’s why this is a brilliant idea, to stuff a bunch of well-known characters in a PSA about drug use. That’s why it MUST’VE been deliberately made to be significantly funnier while high. I can’t believe that they didn’t have that in mind while they were making it.

A little girl gets upset because her older brother is treating her badly ever since he started USING DRUGS and being haunted by a smoke monster (Scott). All the little girl’s toys come to life and try to dissuade the boy from using drugs, but in the end the thing that makes him stop is when his little sister is about to do some drugs so they can communicate better.

I think the kid’s supposed to be smoking pot, but in his stash, you see joints and needles and a huge sponge and an ocarina, so I think he’s into some crazy shit that lets you go on roller coaster rides through your mind with Alf and the Muppet Babies. And quite frankly, I’ve never wanted to do drugs more. On another note, Winnie the Pooh is pretty much the greatest possible cartoon character to act as your conscience. Fuck you, Jiminy Cricket.

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About Reid

Born in a dumpster, died in a fire. View all posts by Reid

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