Superman Returns (2006)

Superman Returns (2006)

Directed by: Bryan Singer

Starring: Brandon Routh, Kevin Spacey, Kate Bosworth

Hey, Hollywood! Where’s the trilogy of “gritty” Superman movies that was supposed to follow this reboot, huh? You guys are laying down on the job, here. I demand that all reboots/remakes/sequels in the 21st century be FULL OF DELICIOUS GRITS.

Superman apparently took a couple years off to fly back to Krypton and bum around Space Europe and find himself, and when he gets back, the world has gone into anarchy because Superman’s been gone. Nah, not really, everything’s perfectly fine. Seriously. No problems whatsoever. Not even Shaq with a big hammer had to step in and help. Probably because Lex Luthor has been in prison all that time, and he gets out just as Supes gets back. Lex (for some reason) finds the Fortress of Solitude and takes some of the crystals which have home movies of Marlon Brando telling Superman what love is, then plants them in the ocean and they grow into huge crystalline formations that may or may not be made out of kryptonite. What?

So… Superman’s Fortress of Solitude was made by these space crystals growing… but they grow into kryptonite? So his base in the north pole is made of the thing that kills him. His HOUSE is made of DEATH. Besides Luthor’s plot not making a whole lot of sense, there are a couple other weak points. Brandon Routh does the best Christopher Reeve impression he can, but even the 70’s Clark Kent is so out of style that he seems like a complete alien in the year 2006. Also, he has no chemistry whatsoever with Kate Bosworth as Lois Lane (who is married to Cyclops and has a kid which is Superman’s baby and he is telepathic. Seriously). Kevin Spacey does an all right job as Luthor, but even he is obviously basing his performance off of Gene Hackman. It just feels a lot like they were trying to capture an outdated feeling for an unwanted encore performance.


About Reid

Born in a dumpster, died in a fire. View all posts by Reid

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