Curse of the Zodiac (2007)

Curse of the Zodiac (2007)

Directed by: Ulli Lommel

Starring: Cassandra Church, Jack Quinn, Jon E. Nimetz

I’ve seen a lot of bad movies in my life. A shocking amount, even. Part of it definitely the search for that “so bad it’s good” quality that I absolutely love, but it’s actually pretty rare, and most of the time you just get stuff like this that’s just so bad, there’s not even any ironic redeeming qualities to it. Curse of the Zodiac is not only really, really terrible, there isn’t a shred of enjoyment to be gleaned out of it. These are truly the worst movies.

Curse of the Zodiac is about the Zodiac Killer, and specifically about a journalist who receives his letters and a random woman who helps him because she dreams about the Zodiac. Most of the film is presented as pointless, spastically-edited series of shots of the Zodiac walking near a the Golden Gate Bridge while an aimless, profanity-laden narration rambles on. Basically nothing happens for an hour and a half, and you get the privilege of having a headache the whole time.

Another weird thing about this film was that I didn’t realize it was supposed to be set in the 70’s until about 20 minutes before the end. They didn’t even try to make it seem like the 70’s, with all the locations, costuming, cars, etc being very obviously modern. It makes no sense, it’s like someone wrote a bad script about the Zodiac, then someone decided to make a movie about it without even reading the thing. This movie is just this really compact pile of layers and layers of pure shit, no matter what area you try to dig down in, you just get another face full of garbage. Never watch this movie. In fact, I would recommend sterilizing the people involved with making it, just in case.

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