Directed by: M. Night Shyamalan
Starring: Mark Wahlberg, Zooey Deschanel, John Leguizamo
Did this movie seem really short to anyone else? Like, you’re just getting hunkered down for this dumb suspense movie, and then it ends and you realize the plot was actually supposed to be the relationship thing which doesn’t work at all. Not that I wanted to see any MORE of it, it just felt like it went by quick. So I guess that’s the best thing I can say about The Stuff That Did A Thing.
People all over the northeast are becoming strangely suicidal, presumably by some sort of airborne agent. Marky Mark and his girlfriend Zooey Deschanel realize that it’s being caused by plants “defending themselves” against humanity, so they try to go somewhere where there aren’t very many people. They find an abandoned cottage, hang out for a while, and then it turns out that it’s over. JUST TO START AGAIN, IN FRANCE!!!
Look, everybody knows that making the trees the heavy in a horror movie is ridiculous, and everybody’s already said that about this film. I would like to counterpoint that by saying that it’s a device that I believe could actually have been used competently, strangely enough, if M. Night had set it up so it would be a more interesting twist ending. And also if you either got actors with chemistry, or you actually made the plot about the “happening” and not these two idiots we don’t ever end up caring about. So, in theory, this might’ve been an okay movie. Just… not in practice, obviously.