Directed by: Bruce Seven
Starring: Barbii, Bionca, John Leslie
I originally downloaded this movie because I thought it would be a documentary about arcade machines. I’m serious. Doesn’t everybody put in “A.S.S.” as their initials in high scores of those old games? I’m pretty sure I’m not alone in that.
A.S.S. is about an Orwellian future where anal sex is illegal, and there’s a special force of people who enforce this law, while mostly just fucking each other. The story follows one woman in the force who finds a list of all the agents, then has sex, then get captured by her own people, and eventually becomes an exotic dancer. If that sequence of events doesn’t seem to follow in any sort of coherent order, don’t worry, it doesn’t.
What’s actually kind of interesting about this movie are the costumes, which make the whole thing seem like a pornographic Logan’s Run. Which I’m sure exists somewhere. Like people have a gem embedded in their hand that flashes when they need to have sex or something. I don’t think I’m going to spend much time thinking about possible porn variations of Logan’s Run for you, sorry. I’m just gonna… I’m gonna leave. I’m leaving.