The Trojan Horse (1997)

The Trojan Horse (1997)

Directed by: Michael Kruzan

Starring: Adam Wylie, Cody Anders, Cara DeLizia

I hate that I have to give this movie two stars, but it actually deserves it. Here’s the deal: This is an all-child version of the Illiad, and it’s just… terrible. Terribly inaccurate, all the actors are kids, I just hate it. But, on the other hand… I can see how it would be very appealing to children. I would’ve probably liked it if I was a kid.

Like I said, it’s basically the Illiad, from Paris of Troy getting the golden apple from Aphrodite to the Trojan War, to the final defeat with the eponymous Trojan Horse. They add in songs and comic bits specifically aimed at kids (for instance, all the Greeks had to eat was broccoli for the whole war, so it was terrible), and they added in a girl hero for the Greeks, then had each of the main characters have some sort of real-life problem that Odysseus helps them get over, like being embarrassed to wear glasses in public, but needing to so she can shoot the Trojans with arrows.

This is the first movie I’ve ever seen with an all-child cast, and there’s a really, really good reason it doesn’t happen very often. This movie reminds me of that Wild & Crazy Kids show, where there are big groups of kids in bright colored t-shirts competing in track and field events. Except in this movie they all have swords. Otherwise, basically the same.

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