Quark the Dragon Slayer (1987)

Quark the Dragon Slayer (1987)

Directed by: Søren Tomas

Starring: David Tate, William Savarese, Anne Marie Helger

If you saw this movie’s title and got all excited as visions of Armin Shimerman with big plastic ears killing dragons danced through your head, then I’m sorry. I’m sorry about your brain condition. Because what the fuck, man, that doesn’t even make sense, Deep Space Nine came out five years after this poorly-translated Danish animated film.

Quark the Dragon Slayer is about a baby giant, Quark, and how he’s very strong and rambunctious and dumb and always gets into crazy situations. It’s a cartoon, in the tradition of the older ones where it’s more about physical humor than actually telling a story. Which is fine, if it’s actually funny. At all. Which this isn’t.

It’s really weird, but almost every voice in this cartoon is done by one guy. And it’s not like a Homestar Runner thing where you’re impressed by his different funny voices, it’s one guy doing slightly different voices for EVERY CHARACTER. Shit like that makes me think I’m having a stroke.

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