Directed by: Tim Spring
Starring: Linda Blair, Dale Cook, Joe Estevez
“Okay, so we’ve got three people karate kickin’ at once on the cover, that’s good, but we need some more PIZAZZ! All right, how about this, behind them is a treasure chest! … There’s no treasure in the movie? Okay then, put the treasure chest in a volcano. Problem solved. Oh, and whip me up some rainbow Indiana Jones font, too.” That’s… my little impression of the guy who designed the cover. Over a phone to a guy, I guess. This is just for fun, just my little fun I get to have for the day. I guess I’ll… review it now.
A professional kickboxer and his two kickboxing kids (really? I have “kickboxer” but not “kickboxing” in my autocorrect?) get tangled up with Joe Estevez’ terrorist group of easily fooled incompetents when they kidnap the mom of the family because she can read some runes on a tablet so they can find some treasure in a volcano.
This movie clearly suffers from one important asset any kickboxing movie involving kids should have: An unhealthy obsession with Don “The Dragon” Wilson. Actually, as far as I’m concerned, EVERY character in EVERY movie should have an unhealthy obsession with Don “The Dragon” Wilson. Especially characters played by him.