The Three Musketeers (1986)

The Three Musketeers (1986)

Directed by: Warwick Gilbert

Starring: Ivar Kants, Noel Ferrier, Kate Fitzpatrick

So… why is The Three Musketeers such a well-known story, anyway? Or… is the story even the well-known part? Isn’t it all people know about them are their goofy costumes and the “all for one and one for all” slogan? This is all because of that candy bar, isn’t it? Curse your delicious nougat!

The queen of France is cheating on the king with some British duke or something, and four French castle guards (aka musketeers, even though they never use guns) help her with transporting jewelry between the two. The EVIL Cardinal Richelieu wants the king to trap the queen into admitting she’s been fucking this foreign leader, but he’s thwarted by our heroes. Thus he decides to kill the jerks, using an evil witch under his employ which turns out to be the wife of one of the guys. Just, incidentally.

This was a simplified version of the book it’s based on, obviously making the issues of morality more black and white for a younger audience. What freaked me out though was that every character would constantly break the fourth wall in order to plainly state the subtext of their actions. I guess it’s French politics and it can’t be TOO simplified, but couldn’t you at least have gotten a narrator or something? That’s much less confusing and scary when you aren’t expecting it.


About Reid

Born in a dumpster, died in a fire. View all posts by Reid

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