Iron Thunder (1989)

Iron Thunder (1989)

Directed by: Anthony “AMP” Elmore

Starring: Anthony “AMP” Elmore, Gwen Baker, Jimmy Blann

Huh, that’s an interesting little nugget of trivia. Apparently another name for the classic film I Bought a Vampire Motorcycle was also “Iron Thunder”. This is interesting because both of these movies are on my “top 100 worst movies of all time” list. Hooray!

Iron Thunder is the life story of Anthony “AMP” Elmore and how he rose to glory. We start at his humble beginnings as a karate student who gets kicked out of the place because he won a karate tournament, but apparently it wasn’t GOOD ENOUGH karate for it to matter, so the teacher got mad at him. He starts participating in “full contact” karate tournaments to make ends meet (what the fuck kind of karate isn’t “full contact”?), until he eventually breaks into the world of professional kickboxing. In the world championship tournament, he’s about to lose, but his karate instructor busts into the ring, slaps him around, and gives him the energy he needs to win it! HOORAY FOR ANTHONY “AMP” ELMORE!!!

Okay, so Anthony “AMP” Elmore wrote, directed, produced, EXECUTIVE produced, and starred in this movie, all about his actual life. Which I guess explains why it’s the worst fucking thing you could imagine. There’s no “acting” in the film, as the main character just mumbles incoherently to himself and others and we progress from one fight to the next. I hate to say it, but Anthony “AMP” Elmore may have replaced Don “The Dragon” Wilson as my favorite professional kickboxer/bad actor. Sorry, Don, you need to step up your game.

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