Wake Me When the War Is Over (1969)

Wake Me When the War Is Over (1969)

Directed by: Gene Nelson

Starring: Ken Berry, Eva Gabor, Werner Klemperer

This movie has a bevy of TV Land stars in it, but not even Jim Backus can compare to how fun it is to see Werner Klemperer play a character that is basically exactly the same as his Colonel Klink from Hogan’s Heroes. Colonel Klink is awesome.

A US airman falls out of a plane distributing pamphlets over Germany during WWII. He barely escapes by seeking refuge in Eva Gabor’s house, who hides him for years. In fact, she keeps hiding him even after the war is over, telling him that it’s still going on, just so she can keep boning him. Eventually Colonel Klink finds out about this, and helps the guy get out of there (so he can bone Eva Gabor instead, obviously), so he goes off on a wacky adventure with some random maid who follows him for no reason, constantly almost killing himself and somehow never realizing that the war is obviously over.

There’s only one possible explanation for the depths of stupidity that the main character in this movie stoops down to: He is the stupidest man ever to live. Fry from Futurama seems a contemplative and clever character compared to this guy. He’s just SO FUCKING DUMB, and it’s neigh-unbelievable that he even remembers how to breathe. I’ve literally never seen as dumb a person in any other movie, TV show, book, or any other form of fiction, or even non-fiction. It’s amazing, in a way.

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