Directed by: Shawn Levy

Starring: Hugh Jackman, Evangeline Lilly, Dakota Goyo

Real Steel is basically the high concept idea of the Sylvester Stallone arm wrestling epic Over the Top combined with Rock’em Sock’em Robots. However, underneath that syrupy sweet coating of summer blockbusterism, there’s actually a pretty good story in there, just trying to get out. Like some sort of delicious robot pancake. Wait a minute, I have to go copyright that as the name of my next band.

Hugh Jackman is an ex-boxer and current terrible robot boxing controller. You see, in the not-so-distant future, robot boxing is all the rage, and Jackman has been in the game for years. When his estranged son’s mother dies and he’s forced to take care of the kid for a summer, he learns how to be a dad, and also how to not completely suck at robot boxing. Before this kid, he really, REALLY sucks at robot boxing. The kid builds up an older model ‘bot and they manage to take it almost to the very top of the robot boxing league.

It’s a very standardly-structured sports movie, with some not-too-deep emotional subtext about a man getting to know his son and learning how to be a father. They touch on a couple more interesting, subtle concepts, like the whole man vs machine thing with the good guy robot fighting more like a human boxer, and Jackman being someone who had gotten in a rut and more or less given on up living a worthwhile life. Unfortunately, I don’t think they really developed those ideas to the point they could’ve. Real Steel really seems like it could’ve been a film with some good action sequences and some legitimately interesting emotional conflicts… but it never really clicked that way for me. I could get into it, but I’ve already had an in-depth argument with my friend about it, and really, that’s way more interesting than yelling into a void about my nitpicks about animation minutia. See it if you like robots punching each other. That happens a whole bunch in this movie.

Directed by: Tono Errando, Javier Mariscal, Fernando Trueba

Starring: Limara Meneses, Eman Xor Oña, Mario Guerra

I did not like this movie. Pretty much at all. The characters are unlikable and their actions seem completely incomprehensible to me, and also the animation looked kinda shitty. It was obviously rotoscoped into Flash, and the end result is neither really stylized or all that great. Also, there’s a bunch of boobies in there for no reason other than they realized nobody would stay for the whole thing without some cartoon T&A. And that’s pretty sad.

Chico & Rita is about two soft jazz musicians from Cuba, Chico and Rita, who fall in love but who also hate each other and go out with a lot of other people. They both become very successful in their fields (pianism and singing. Pianism is a word, right?) and forty years later they finally get back together and live happily ever after.

I really just didn’t enjoy any part of this film. It felt directionless, and though it was entirely reliant on our two main characters, I couldn’t relate to or even understand either of their motivations throughout the whole thing. They’re constantly getting together and breaking apart, sometimes because of bad decisions, but sometimes just because… they did. I think I have a fairly decent understanding of a lot of human interaction (even if I myself am fucking terrible at sustaining them), and I’m just gonna say that these people didn’t seem real to me at all. I guess it could be a cultural difference thing. I dunno, I’m not GOD or anything. Though… MAYBE I AMMMM!!! AHHHH HAHAHAHAHA I have no idea where that came from, I’m sorry.

Directed by: Tomas Alfredson

Starring: Gary Oldman, Colin Firth, Tom Hardy

For being a movie about spies and intrigue, Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy wasn’t very… intriguing. Also, apparently Alec Guinness was in an earlier version of this film, which is neat. Just wanted to mention that. I like Alec Guinness. I like Gary Oldman, too, but this was definitely not his best role, in my opinion. My, as always, completely correct opinion.

Oldman was a high-level operative with British intelligence until he was fired over a public scandal involving Colin Firth being shot in Hungary. He has to figure out who is the mole in the secret spy agency so he can return to his position and also to secure… spy stuff. Whatever.

This is the boring kind of spy movie. A probably more realistic, if less entertaining type. Oldman is great, to nobody’s surprise, but there just isn’t a whole lot to this movie to keep your attention. Or maybe it’s just me. It’s certainly possible that there just weren’t enough explosions or aliens eating people’s brains in it for a prole like myself. Also it could’ve been that they never seemed to care enough about their own story to try and make it feel important. In any case, I wasn’t a fan, but I wouldn’t try to persuade anyone interested in it not to see it. Though maybe the Alec Guinness version is better, who knows? He was a pretty great spy in Our Man in Havana, after all…

Directed by: Michel Hazanavicius

Starring: Jean Dujardin, Bérénice Bejo, John Goodman

So far, The Artist is easily my favorite movie of all these Oscar nominees. It’s got the same director and star of the recent OSS 117 films, which are actually pretty goddamn funny (the first one much more so than the second). I still think that Hugo is going to win best picture, but I’m really hoping that Dujardin gets best actor. And, if nothing else, hopefully this can propel the two to do more high profile stuff (and a couple American films wouldn’t be that bad either. Not that I’m against French cinema, but it takes way longer for that stuff to filter over here. I’d love to see a movie with these guys in the theater. In fact, I would probably love to see The Artist in a theater. I’m rambling, I should get on with the review.

Dujardin plays a popular silent film actor during the time when talkies started coming out. At first, he thinks that sound film is just a fad, and makes his own silent film on his own money. It bombs, and he ends up spiraling down into poverty, also partly because of the recession. He turns to drink, and in a fit of depression, sets fire to the studio where his previous films were kept. He gets seriously injured in the fire and is released, and is ready to kill himself until a rising star (who got her start from him) demands that he not give up and the show must go on.

The Artist reminds me quite a bit of The Last Laugh, an F.W. Murnau film that Hazanavicius almost certainly watched in preparation for this film. According to All-Father Wikipedia, he heavily researched silent films to find the best way to make one. Oh, did I not mention that? The Artist itself is almost entirely a silent film, and is completely in black and white. There aren’t even that many dialogue cards throughout the film, and it instead relies almost entirely on the older, melodramatic style of acting to get it’s points across. Which it does beautifully. Dujardin is really the perfect guy to play in this type of film, as his acting style is so physical, yet graceful and realistic. Also, he’s just so fucking charming. He’s got all the (non-crazy) genuinity (this is a word I just made up, but fuck you) of Tom Cruise from the 80′s and the smarmy self-importance of Sean Connery in the 60′s. I’d say he’s definitely a guy to keep an eye on, him and Hazanavicius, who obviously cares a lot about his craft. I’m really looking forward to what’s coming next from these two, whether they be together or apart.

Okay, fine, I have more to say about this movie. John Goodman is in it, and is unsurprisingly great in his role as the studio rep (a role which reminds one of Barton Fink, though not of Goodman’s character in that film). Also, Hazanavicius takes advantage of the medium of the silent film, especially in a dream sequence Dujardin’s character has where he’s assaulted by sound. That little bit… it’s really well done. Bérénice Bejo (who was also in OSS 117: Cairo, Nest of Spies) plays a believable 20′s woman, but she’s completely outshined by Dujardin’s performance (just look at the dance number at the end. One of those two people looks like a professional, the other, not so much). I could actually probably just keep going on and on about this film. You should probably just watch it and stop reading my drunken ramblings.

Directed by: Martin Scorsese

Starring: Asa Butterfield, Chloë Grace Moretz, Ben Kingsley

Ah, here we go, the winner of the academy award for best picture of 2011. Pretty sure. It’s got everything the academy loves; good kid actors, bright and colorful imagery, some emotional moments, and especially a detailed history of silent film. If there’s one thing you can learn from looking at this year’s nominees, it’s that the academy looooves movies about movies.

A kid is trying to fix a strange clockwork automaton that his dad was working on before he died, as he thinks that there’s a hidden message from his dad in it. He’s living in this train station in France by himself (and constantly hounded by Sacha Baron Cohen, a semi-evil watchman) when he meets Georges Méliès (Kingsley), who designed the robot, as well as many early, creative silent films. The story transitions from the kid trying to cope with the loss of his father to Méliès recovering from his depression brought on by the loss of his earlier career, which he loved.

It really almost is like the kid coming to terms with his dad’s death is only there so we can get to Méliès and talk about movies, which is too bad. However, Kingsley turns in a fantastic performance as a depressed, angry old man, and they do show quite a bit of Méliès’ actual films, which is super cool from a film nerd perspective. This isn’t my favorite film of the nominees, but if Hugo wins the oscar and that convinces even one young person to become interested in the (legitimately extremely awesome) silent films of the era, then by all means, give it to them.

Directed by: Paul Feig

Starring: Kristen Wiig, Maya Rudolph, Rose Byrne

This was actually a pretty funny movie. And I would’ve never seen it in a million years had I not spontaneously decided to care about the Oscars this year… so maybe this is a good thing that I’m doing. Weird that these movies nominated for awards aren’t really bad… hm… Why is that… I’ll figure it out. Give me a couple weeks.

A woman is the maid of honor for her best friend’s wedding, but she has issues with another bridesmaid and they get into all kinds of wacky hijinks, etc etc.

No, really, this was a funny movie. Kristin Wiig (who was also good in Paul) nearly makes me want to reconsider my supposition that it’s impossible for there to be a truly funny female comedienne. Also, as the romantic lead, Chris O’Dowd (the Irish guy from The IT Crowd) is pretty damn good, I hope he gets more American film work. There are some really super uncomfortable sequences that are the perfect combination of horrifying and hilarious, the characters are mostly pretty crisp and well-developed… yeah, not bad at all. If I was a woman, I’m sure I’d be able to identify with more of the situations, and the film completely loses it’s momentum in the third act (just like every romantic comedy ever (and also every Judd Apatow film, who produced Bridesmaids)), but definitely a worthwhile film to see. Guys, see if you can somehow trick your lady into making you watch this with her. I mean, we’re men after all, we’re not allowed to like things with the color pink in them unless we’re forced into it by a woman. Otherwise, society just falls apart.

Directed by: Jean-Loup Felicioli, Alain Gagnol

Starring: Dominique Blanc, Bruno Salomone, Jean Benguigui

This was a fun little movie. Not great, but I wouldn’t turn it off if it was on. It’s nice to see a movie with a different style of animation than the standard sort of Disney/CGI/whatever stuff we get a lot of. I’m a big cartoon nerd, though, maybe that’s just what it is. I’m pretty sure A Cat in Paris isn’t going to win the Oscar it’s nominated for, but I’m glad it was nominated, otherwise I wouldn’t have seen it.

For some reason, this is a hard movie for me to synopsize. All right, it’s like this: There’s a burglar, the chief of police, her mute daughter, an evil villainous crook and his idiot henchmen, and a cat. The cat doesn’t do anything, don’t be fooled by the name. The bad guy is out to steal a statue, but the girl overhears and the burglar (who is a nice burglar) helps the kid and the cop to defeat the bad guy.

It’s a pretty neat movie. The animation during the action sequences aren’t that great, and the criminals are a little too goofy and worthless to work well as antagonists, but it’s a kid’s movie, whatever. Actually, of all the films I’ve seen nominated for best animated film this year, this was one of the more… humanistic. Also, probably the best one for kids.

Directed by: Chris Miller

Starring: Antonio Banderas, Salma Hayek, Zach Galifianakis

I have to admit, I stopped watching the Shrek movies after the second one, so I really have no idea what the backstory of this character is supposed to be (or was it in Shrek 2? I don’t fucking remember). I was a little surprised at the completely different tone of Puss in Boots, however. It was less a brightly-colored kid’s movie than a heist film… where everybody just happened to be fairy tale characters. Kinda weird.

There is a cat who is a swordfighter and he was best friends with a talking egg until his actions put the egg in prison. The egg hatches a scheme (GET IT?! EGGS! HA- never mind) to get revenge and also to steal a bunch of gold from a house on top of a bunch of clouds. The gold summons a giant goose to destroy the cat’s home town, but the cat defeats the goose and the egg dies. Without any names, this plot sounds really fucking weird, doesn’t it?

Yeah, it’s a heist film involving Humpty Dumpty and Jack and the Beanstalk. Also, a surprising amount of very sexual cat dancing. I really wish I was able to live a life where that phrase never existed, but there it is. At least Antonio Banderas is getting work. SOMEONE’S gotta fill that empty void of velvet-voiced latin man now that Ricardo Montalbon is dead.

Directed by: Bennett Miller

Starring: Brad Pitt, Jonah Hill, Philip Seymour Hoffman

I liked this movie, but… I like baseball. I don’t even think that baseball is boring, I’m one of those weirdos. True, I generally only watch baseball movies that involve chimpanzees (because monkeys are the easiest thing to add to anything to make it entertaining), but Moneyball is a good exception to that rule. Also, that rule is awful. I need to get to changing that ASAP.

Brad Pitt is the general manager of the Oakland Athletics, a low-tier club that hasn’t really been good since the 70′s. His assistant (Hill) comes up with a mathematical way to basically cheat the system and get players on base without spending a lot of money. It works, and they set an American League record for longest winning streak.

If that sounds boring, even in the slightest, do not watch this movie. It’s not even really constructed like a traditional sports movie, you don’t really get the leadup to the big win or anything, it’s just math. Neat baseball math. I liked it.

Directed by: Woody Allen

Starring: Owen Wilson, Rachel McAdams, Kathy Bates

I’m not a fan of Woody Allen, nor do I normally like movies about writers (they’re generally obnoxious and self-serving), but I actually quite enjoyed Midnight in Paris. It’s not going to win Best Picture, but I think it has a pretty good chance at Best Original Screenplay.

Owen Wilson is a hack Hollywod writer who’s visiting Paris with his fiancee in hopes of inspiration for his first novel. When he goes on a walk alone one night, he finds himself in the company of literary and artistic legends from the 20′s, like F. Scott Fitzgerald, Ernest Hemingway, and Salvador Dali. During these midnight visits to the past, Wilson becomes attracted to a different girl, and though she’s probably just a figment of his imagination, it makes him realizes that his current relationship (with the ridiculously hot Rachel McAdams) isn’t what he wants.

It’s an interesting concept, and it’s presented really naturally, which is weird for being as science fictioney as it is. The characters feel very realistic, and not a line is spoken that isn’t important to the overall story in some way. A very tightly-written film. I think my biggest problem with it was that the entire thing was just yellow. Extremely boring cinematography, like something you’d expect out of a Matrix sequel, only nobody is jumping around like a spaz wearing big coats. I’d recommend it.