2001: A Space Odyssey (1968)

2001: A Space Odyssey (1968)

Directed by: Stanley Kubrick

Starring: Keir Dullea, Gary Lockwood, William Sylvester

Since I made such a big deal out of my 2,000th post the other day, it just makes sense that I’d watch Kubrick’s classic space epic 2001 for my 2,001st review, right? I swear, I’m not going to keep doing this. I ran out of movies that counted up like that.

After the government finds a strange black monolith on the moon, they decide to send a mission to Jupiter to investigate another one they believe is there. Unfortunately, the Jupiter mission goes awry when the HAL 9000 computer put in charge of all the automation starts malfunctioning. The two pilots of the spaceship try to deactivate HAL, but it fights back.

This movie is gorgeous. I’ve been saying it a lot recently, I realize, but it’s especially important to mention for this film since that’s mostly what it is. Very, VERY little actually happens in 2001, and instead the three hour film is mostly just experiencing the awesome effects. Of course, those effects are totally worth it and the story with HAL has produced some of the most memorable characters and moments in film history. I don’t generally recommend 2001 to people, even though I really like it, just because I realize that most people don’t want to be sitting around for three hours watching astronauts in neat spaceships where there’s almost no talking and not even a single explosion. If you’re the kind of person who enjoys hard sci-fi like this, you’ve probably already seen this. If you’re not one of those people, but you want to find a way to make this movie a little easier to take, might I suggest the miracle cure of marijuana?

Cherry 2000 (1987)

Cherry 2000 (1987)

Directed by: Steve De Jarnatt

Starring: Melanie Griffith, David Andrews, Pamela Gidley

This is the only one of these five “2000″ movies where the 2000 doesn’t refer to the year it was made (or the year close to the year it was made), as it’s instead just the name of the main character’s sex robot. More movies should be named after sex robots.

Yes, the main character has a sex robot named Cherry 2000, who is apparently one of the better models of sex robot they have in the future. When his breaks during sex while covered by dishwashing water, he has to hire a “tracker” to take him into the post-apocalyptic landscape that apparently the world has outside of the big cities to find another one. Predictably, he ends up falling in love with the real woman he hires during the journey, and everybody’s happy.

This is a pretty decent 80′s post-apocalyptic movie. It sticks really closely to the formula and there aren’t really any surprises, but the characters are well-developed and you’re actually rooting for the good guys. That may seem like something that should always happen, but especially in a genre that a lot of movies are made in just because it’s cheap, it’s the exception, not the rule.

Blade Runner (1982)

Blade Runner (1982)

Directed by: Ridley Scott

Starring: Harrison Ford, Rutger Hauer, Sean Young

I watched two really great movies back-to-back yesterday, this and Nineteen Eighty-Four. I’m gonna have to watch so many Italian horror movies to make up for this…

In the future, a company has made a bunch of humaniform robots, but they’re too good and also kinda murder-ey, so it’s illegal for them to be on Earth. When a group of them return to try and figure out a way to expand their four-year lifespan, a specialist is sent out to capture or kill them: a Blade Runner.

This is the most beautiful movie I’ve ever seen. Ridley Scott applies a film noir style that works perfectly with the futuristic cityscapes and creepy robot parlors… I obviously can’t explain it very well. As a human monster with only blackness in my heart, I just lack the faculties to describe true beauty. Instead, why don’t you just go ahead and watch Blade Runner yourself. You can consider it pre-gaming for Prometheus when it comes out, if you want, since the ads seem to be close to this than Alien.

Nineteen Eighty-Four (1984)

Nineteen Eighty-Four (1984)

Directed by: Michael Radford

Starring: John Hurt, Richard Burton, Suzanna Hamilton

Nineteen Eighty-Four is a really great movie based on one of the most culturally relevant books of the 20th century. As such, I really don’t feel qualified to say anything about this movie. I mean, thirty minutes ago I was describing Hercules: A Sex Adventure, what could I possibly say here? Just warning you, so you can go read something else.

In a desolate future controlled by the state and a figure named Big Brother, John Hurt falls in love with a woman, which is entirely forbidden. The two of them explore all the emotions and thoughts that the state considers “thoughtcrimes”. Of course, they get caught, and are sent to “rehabilitation”, where they’re tortured and manipulated into accusing each other, confessing to crimes they didn’t commit, and eventually they even love Big Brother.

If you’ve never read the book this is based on, you’re missing out on a lot. If you’re not the reading type (c’mon, you know you want to be the reading type), this movie is a pretty good substitute. John Hurt and Richard Burton are both amazing, and the set design is beautiful. It’s all so dingy and run-down, it builds up this distinctive style that seems so… possible. I think Nineteen Eighty-Four is a perfect example of how powerful science fiction can be, it’s really one of my favorite movies.

Twilight Zone: The Movie (1983)

Twilight Zone: The Movie (1983)

Directed by: John Landis, Steven Spielberg, Joe Dante

Starring: Vic Morrow, Scatman Cruthers, John Lithgow

The Twilight Zone is possibly the best science fiction show in television history. This movie is a remake of three episodes from the show with more modern (well, 80′s, anyway) special effects, as well as a new story in an approximation of Rod Serling’s style.

First is the new story, where a racist in a bar finds himself transported to Nazi Germany where he is himself persecuted. Next, a bunch of people in an old folks’ home play Kick the Can at nights to literally regain their youth. Third involves a schoolteacher who finds herself in a house where a child with magic powers is holding his family hostage, and finally, a man claims to see something on the wing of an airplane that’s tearing shit up.

Yeah, it’s pretty good. Some of the new(er) special effects are pretty neat, especially in the “It’s a Good Life” remake, but the effects are not at all what makes the Twilight Zone great. Honestly, I can’t imagine a situation where I’d rather watch this film than any of the original episodes, and the first one with the guy going to Nazi-world isn’t nearly as good as some actual Twilight Zone episodes about that same concept (“He’s Alive” where Dennis Hopper meets Hitler comes directly to mind).